Every traveling medicine show needs a pitchman, and the Snakeoil Collection is where ours parked the wagon. This is a cast of scaly salesmen with suspiciously orange hair, red ties knotted just so, and a miracle cure ready for anyone who slows down long enough to listen. The joke lives in the picture: you see the grin, you see the tie, and you already know how the sale ends.
The men behind the bottle
Snakeoil Salesman is the face on the poster, a round orange snake head under a swept-up coif, a tight blue collar and a smile that has closed a great many deals nobody asked for. Maga Ssalvation borrows that same grinning face and hangs a doubled S beneath it, so the hiss does the talking. The King of Sleaze stands tall and skinny under a feathered orange mop, tie hanging loose, a little flame burning at his elbow while he warms up the next pitch. And Lyin' King swaggers in dark glasses and a red tie, smirking, with a fire licking at his heels that he has decided not to mention.
The sidekicks with a tail
Not every salesman in this act is a snake, and that is part of the fun. Listen to my Lies and Send Me More Money puts a skunk in a tie with a green snake coiled at his shoulder, beside the most honest sales pitch ever lettered. The Bouffant Buffoon is a pale little gator in a dress shirt, curls piled sky high and his tail on fire, looking enormously pleased with himself. Donald the Denier scowls in a suit with his arms folded and a scaly tail smoking behind him, ready to deny whatever you were about to say. One more coils up green and gold beneath a towering orange wave of hair, with a word for his leathery hide printed right beside him.
For the one who can smell a pitch from the parking lot
This is for the person who sat through the entire timeshare presentation for the free breakfast and never signed a thing. The one who reads the fine print out loud at dinner. The friend who hears "trust me" and quietly checks where her wallet is. You know exactly who that is, and you can already see the look she will give the King of Sleaze before she laughs. The snakes promise a cure for everything. These designs promise only a good laugh, and unlike the snakes, they keep their word.
Written by James. Thanks for reading.
